February Musings

During this month of February, the view outside my window has vacillated between thrashing hail storms and pummeling rain to sunshine bursting through billowing white, puffy clouds. Each and every moment seems to reveal an exciting display of creativity in the heavens. Indeed, the atmosphere outdoors has been dramatic. Much like my own moods here of late, actually.

It seems that just as the storm rages outside and inside the house remains a haven, my emotions have had these same similarities. Although I have also experienced the storm raging on the inside as well! Ugh. Sometimes I feel like such a jerk. A lot of my emotional swings I know are from being locked in the house more than usual, but another cause is from my weakness to adapt to being locked inside said facility with individuals that I should be able to get along with. You know, people that I love and care for. Why is it then, that I notice the messes they make when I am inside more? Why does their slothful early morning routines of rising and waking and eating and flopping seem to be more noticeable when I am confined to the house? Do I not notice them when I am running around trying to get my day off the ground? Or is it just because there isn't a lot to do all day long inside the house so I begin to notice things.... And then I begin to pick... pick, pick pick. Chiseling away at the very fabric of our relationships. This, I confess, I do. I begin to point out this shortcoming or that display of laziness or that lack of self control. So when I begin to get this way, I know I need to get out. Get outside into the fresh air in order to get a fresh perspective of my situation. Sounds simple, I know, but recognizing it while I'm in the midst of it sometimes remains cloaked in a veil of pride. I seem to think that this would be a good time to fix these broken character flaws; you know, while we are all inside with not much else to do. But then a lack of co-operation begins to unfold amongst my comrades. "What do you mean I'm being to harsh?" aghast I cry. It seems like a perfectly good time to deal with all of this!
So, to make a short out of the long of it...... I get outside even when it's damp and cold and rainy and drippy. My family thanks me for it, I'm sure!!

Yesterday Gus and I went for an adventure into some old logging areas just north of our city park. We had never been onto these particular roads so we really didn't know just where we were going! We climbed over berry vines when the road narrowed, forged raging creeks to get to the other side, just for fun. We even dragged logs out of the brush to make small crossings when we couldn't jump our way across. I felt like a kid again traipsing through the brush in the rain getting all muddy. So after an hour or so of this, my kinks were all worked out and it was easier for me to navigate around all the nuances of my interior existence. I don't particularly like winter, but I am learning how to appreciate its challenges.