Indulge me just for the moment. Today is my birthday. Not just any birthday, but another dreaded birthday. A big one. The half century mark......yes, I just reached my 50th year. I can hardly believe it myself. It's not that I don't want to necessarily be 50, it's just that I don't know how to act 50. I have all of these preconceived ideas of what I should act like, dress like, or even talk like, but I just want to be me. The me that is comfortable being a little bit younger than 50. The me that a few short years ago remembers what it felt like to have my preborn child move within my womb or the me that still likes to slip into my bathing suit and catch some waves to bodysurf in the ocean. Sometimes I want to just hop on my touring bike and go for a long ride like I used to be able to do. For some reason, I have this little voice of maturity screaming inside my head that says I should be past these sorts of things. But then again, I don't want to give up these things just because I am 50. (Well, now, of course the pregnancy thing is definitely out of this new reality! It's the memories that seem so fresh). I guess it all comes a little easier as the years go by. For now, though, I will just turn the page of my journal and keep writing; recording the thoughts of my heart & seeking the Lord in all His goodness.
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